Love isn’t enough (although it helps)…

It’s National Adoption Week 2018.

A week to look at adverts of children needing homes, just looking for love.

I’m not sure that I was ever naive enough to imagine love would be enough. Although I’m not sure I signed up for what we got. I was, however, naive enough to believe that when I asked for help, we would get it.

Love cannot repair trauma. Love cannot solve attachment issues. Love (oddly) doesn’t fix FASD or global delay (nor should these things be fixed, because my boys are my boys and wouldn’t be them otherwise).

Love does allow me to hope. Love does allow me to start each day afresh. Love does help me search for support and help. Love does make the intolerable, something that we deal with.

Love doesn’t stop my big boy raging. It doesn’t stop the anger he feels for himself, which he turns outwards. It doesn’t stop the fact that he carries a belief that when I am not with him, talking to him, being with him, I have forgotten him.

Love doesn’t stop my littley struggling with frustration, because he cannot do, cannot cope with the things his peers do. Love doesn’t stop his difficulties that exist, because he is him.

I wish that there was some way that National Adoption Week could take account of the some different voices; the experienced adopters, the adoptees, the birth families. People should go into this journey knowing how challenging it can be. That parenting adopted children, is not like parenting a birth child. That adopted children come with a history that cannot be written over. That birth family stories, by necessity become part of your family story.

 

In a side note – it is not reassuring to discover after 5 years (& regionalisation) the access to post adoption support in our city has not improved. That a friend phoned up and was told two weeks ago, that as she wasn’t in crisis, she needed to wait 8 weeks to hear from post adoption support. The same respond I got 5 years ago!

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