I have done it… tomorrow Himself is off work; Monday we all go back to school. I have managed nearly 6 weeks with the boys by myself. I would love to say that we’ve had an amazing summer, but we haven’t… and I stood last week with some of my best adopter friends, who have all had a difficult summer and one of them commented, ‘next year, will be different’ and I recognised the truth in that, no-one can promise it will be better, but it will be different.
I had hoped I had planned well enough, I had hoped we were going to sail though. I forgot to factor in my children or at least Boyo! Early on in the holidays; I had made a commitment not to fight where it wasn’t necessary… this meant when he refused to go somewhere (which irritatingly he would have loved) I accepted it and agreed we could stay at home.
Of course there was plenty of arguments/shouting/screaming/kicking/biting/hitting and just general horribleness. We have had some amazing moments; just yesterday Boyo spent a long time playing (yes, playing) with another child! Okay, it involved mud and grass, but they played and planned together. Jelly managed a 3 and a bit mile walk without any carrying. There have been giggles and laughter. But when overwhelming the summer has felt ‘hard’.
We were spoilt in the middle as we had a break; 3 daytimes without the boys. We did catch up on some sleep; we talked (a lot) to other adopters. We made memories, with help from other people. And this holiday, that was our saving grace, because without that time, it would have been too hard. The boys had an amazing time.
I haven’t done half of what was planned, it hasn’t been possible. I have mostly mixed with other families who understand. Who don’t care when someone lies on the floor and screamed. Who agree with me, that we have to get out whatever the weather.
So now, my thoughts are turning to September, which hopefully will be another entire post. I am sad, because I know it will bring it’s own stresses and anxieties, but equally welcome the return to routine and structure.