Admitting when it’s tough…

Yesterday I admitted defeat – I could not do what I needed to do. It turned into a day of self care…

We have had a couple of very difficult weeks, Boyo’s teaching assistant was off for the first week, it’s been phonics test this week so teacher spent most of Mon-Wed out of the classroom.

We have found a new child minder, but she cannot do all the hours that we need. But choice is limited and I am now begging work to let me reduce my hours more. She is the by far the best option that we have. I have basically felt sick for 4 weeks now about child minders and cannot think about it without getting upset. I am hoping this week, we will have an answer from work, and we can move on with plans.

Boyo is not sleeping well, consquently we are not sleeping well. Something is bothering him, but he cannot verbalise what it is. So combined with differences at school, his tiredness is leading to more meltdowns than any of us need. Dealing with the 6yr old meltdowns at the same time as the 3yr old tantrums is draining. I dread that time after school, when I am here by myself with them…we have been outside a lot, in the hopes that it will ease things, but it delays meltdown, not eases them.

Last week we had a meeting with some sleep psychologists, who I shocked when they asked what I wanted…I said a good night’s sleep for everyone, but I am not sure that you will be able to help with that, as Boyo is driven by fear and anxiety, and when he is disturbed at night time, he lays awake worrying…you can see the cogs whirling. They didn’t entirely know what to say to that!

Following that appointment we had the ‘joy’ of a meeting at CAHMS… with the OT who last time made us answer lots of questions about different aspects of Boyo. She has said he has different differences in his sensory processing in 4 different areas… but she won’t diagnosis Sensory Processing Disorder as it’s a diagnosis with ‘no weight’. I spoke to SENCO briefly about it (at a Brownie event) and she agreed with me, it would be useful to have it diagnosed but she has lined up the Ed Pysch to have a good look at Boyo next year, so will discuss it with him, before either of us go any further with it.

But it leaves us with Boyo with recognised but not diagnosed Attachment difficulties & Sensory Processing Disorder. He has non specific learning difficulties and the suggestion of FASD. I’m not entirely sure what happens next.

I have seen a completed form for the Adoption Support Fund but as it needed correcting and I haven’t heard anything since suggesting some corrections, I don’t think it has been sent off yet.. we were suppose to have our form filled in, ready to go in early May. The same social worker is supposed to be completing Boyo’s EHCP form… and was told (by an ed pysch) to do it in Jan… nothing yet!

I spent 40 mins on the phone to another PASW on Wed (she happens to be an adoptive parent as well) going over everything that is going on. She had no advice, but understand and suggested alcohol! She listened, she emphasised and I felt better.

But in the end, it came to yesterday morning, and after another night of very little sleep, Himself said ‘are you sure you want to go to work today?’ I answered yes and then sat and started thinking. I didn’t go to work, I got the boys up and off to the child minder (with Himself) and then went back to bed, I stayed there until lunchtime, when I got up, ate some food, then collapsed on sofa until it was boy pick up time. I cooked easy tea for the boys, and we had takeaway.

I promised my boss I would be in work on Monday, but I’m not sure why. I could happily spend most of next week sleeping and then finally doing some of the jobs that are on my list. I am not taking any decisions until Monday, hopefully I will wake up and feel happy and able to go to work.

At the moment, our lives are tough. It is a phase, it will improve, and I am clinging onto that hope.

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1 Response to Admitting when it’s tough…

  1. frogotter says:

    So sorry to hear how tough things are at the moment.
    I think lack of sleep makes everything a lot worse, so I really hope the sleep psychologists come through for you.
    Self care is so important, I’m glad you’re managing to fit some in! Hope you all get a bit more sleep very soon.

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