I am, this evening, feeling incredibly sad…but hoping (I have to hope) that we can make progress and improve things.
Boyo has been more stressed, more anxious, more fearful than normal this holiday. We put it down to our week away, and then the fact that he has another week off school, whilst I am back at work, and that their child minder is away so my Mum has stepped in for child care this week.
Last week was tough, but going away is tough, and we did spend a lot of time at the beach or walking, both of which are easier activities for us. We’d hoped returning home would produce some calmer times, but it hasn’t happened – and as we’ve enough going on different this week – we put it down to that.
Turns out – not so. Boyo blurted out some information this afternoon that we though he didn’t know. He has sat on this information for 11 days. Worried about it for 11 days. Felt fearful about it for 11 days. Suddenly the extreme behaviours make more sense.
The Thurs evening before half term I received an email from the boy’s child minder to tell me she was pregnant. I didn’t get much sleep because she has been the reason that I have managed to keep working. On the way to work on Friday morning, I composed a resignation letter in my head – I did no more, but it was serious.
Childminder and I conversed via text and email and face to face. She is committed to helping us find appropriate and understanding childcare. She and her husband told their son (who is nearly 7), but asked him not to say anything.
Son didn’t say anything to Boyo, but did say something at school, either to a girl who used to go to childminders who Boyo spends a lot of time working with, or she overheard it.
So this afternoon, after an ‘interesting’ day, Boyo suddenly blurted out ”Son‘ is getting a baby’ I quizzed him gently to find out how he had this information… apparently ‘girl’ had told him that child minder is having a baby.
I did my best to reassure Boyo, both that we knew and that we are forming plans. I told him that it wasn’t happening soon, that it was still a long way off (Nov) and that we would find another child minder that he likes before then. I told him I am meeting two childminders next week to talk to them and see whether I like them and what they say before doing anything else. I told him that it will be okay.
I am so incredibly sad that he found this out 11 days okay and has struggled with it for that long before he could tell me. Normally he cannot keep a secret for toffee, but this information which has so effected him, he didn’t share. He felt unable to trust us with this life changing (for him) information. I honestly thought we had come further than this, with his trust and security in us.
I need now to put my sadness aside and think of ways to help him, both with this and with trusting us to help him solve problems. But for now, I feel sad (for him), and I am not afraid to admit it.