Backwards and Forwards

2014 has been a year of discovery, full of steps forwards and giant falls backwards. I can only go into 2015 and with hope, because without hope we have nothing. There are reasons for some small glimmers of hope, a meeting with the adoption ed pysch, a team around the child meeting and hopefully some theraplay.

2014 was the year that we moved house, whilst acknowledging that there would be difficulties, none of us were actually prepared for the reality. The idea that boyo carried with him, unable to express it, that he would stay behind  and have a new family. The fact that even after 10 months we rarely get boyo to sleep through the night. He loves our new house, we all do. We love the space and extra freedom it gives. And we would do it again, even knowing the difficulties but there are aspects of preparation that we would change.

2014 was the year that boyo’s teacher showed us just how little she understood the issues around adoption. It was the end of a difficult reception year for boyo, and I still 6 months on haven’t entirely forgiven her for sending his photo out to over 100 families in a welcome booklet. She obviously doesn’t know the sleepless nights and extra worry that she caused for us. The formal apology cannot make up for what happened, the knowledge that it will not happen again, that checks have been put into place reassures us.

And at this point I do need to say, how different year 1 has been so far. He is thriving and is progresses (slowly, but progress is progress). His teacher spends time with him, and knows him. She listens to our concerns and responds to them. She anticipates his needs. His TA’s catch up with me most weeks, to let me know what he is doing during the week. We are so amazed at the difference. Last year we survived because of the class TA, this year, I had to ask her name in order to send a Christmas  present.

2014 was the year that we had a bombshell dropped on us in regards to boyo’s health, and we still ponder the effects of this news and what it means long term. We are starting to see a way forward.

In 2014 Jelly turned 2 and along with that came the terrible twos. He has a personality that is full of mischief and joy. We got to meet his birth mum, and have answers to some of the questions that Jelly will have in the future. He started preschool and is finding his feet and loves the environment there. On Christmas Eve I watched him walk around my friends house holding hands with his ‘sworn enemy’. He is developing the social skills needed to get through life.

2014 saw us spend two lovely weekends at La Rosa Campsite – and boyo would go again tomorrow – we are negotiating waiting until the weather improves a bit. We spent a week on the Isle of Wight. We spent lots of time at local parks, with friends from school and adoption.

2014 saw me attend the first Open nest conference – which was possible only as it was a shortish train ride away. I came away feeling empowered and reassured, whilst this life that we are living is in no way normal, we are not the only ones. I came away determined to make changes – and they are starting to happen.

Our boys are precious they deserve the best that we can give them. Taking care of ourselves, enabling us to fight their fights is the only way forwards. 2015 will start with a discussion with Post Adoption Support, about what we think we need, not what they want to provide. It will start with a promise to do things that help us, and support us.

2015 will not be a perfect year – but it will be a year of memory building. We will face challenges, but they will be lived through and we will come out the other side. Each morning will be a new day to be lived..and things will go wrong, but we will continue to learn.

‘She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails.’ Elizabeth Edwards

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