Today we met Jelly’s birthmum, and I like her… I don’t have any notes of the meeting, it felt awful trying to write as she was speaking, but thankfully our lovely SW took lots of notes… just have to wait for her to type them up for us (she and all the other children’s SW in the city are presently relocating to a new building)!
We found out some key information for both our boys. Some things that we had suspected were confirmed. Jelly’s birthmum is a vulnerable lady, who has been lied to and treated badly all her life… and that’s not making excuses, although it sounds like it is. She has every reason to hate social workers, and the fact that she sat in the same room as our SW for the second time (they had met previously to discuss letterbox and today’s meeting), means an awful lot.
When she arrived she was obviously scared, worried and upset. We (and our SW) think that when she left she felt better. It seemed like a weight had lifted from her shoulders.
We found out the information that we asked for, information that Jelly might need in future. We found out more information than we expected. We talked about how we talk to Jelly about her, and hopefully reassured her. She told us how she has photo’s of her boys (not just Jelly) around her house, and how she tells them everyday that she loves them. I was able to response with the fact that we always tell him that she loves him.
This evening I feel so sorry for her, I already did but it’s more intense now. Both myself and our SW said several times that although bad things had happened to her, she was not a bad person.
We talked about what would happen if we met in future, before Jelly was ready to meet her. We agreed what we would do. This was one of our worries, as she frequents some of the same places & parks as us. Tonight, I feel happier that we will all manage it.
It was an emotional meeting for all of us. And she plainly didn’t want to end the meeting. We have been blessed with a photo of Jelly just a few hours old, along side some more photos of his family.
We have lots and lots to think about.